Comments on My Teen Mania Experience: Elizabeth's Story, part 2

Thank you for telling this story! I was on that t...

2012-01-12T17:47:03.971-06:00

Thank you for telling this story! I was on that team too, and I could see Michael's desk from mine. I took the bus up to Nebraska. It was NOT free of charge and it was the end of the year so I was broke and had to borrow $40 from someone to take the bus. It was the grief causing the memory loss; I felt it too. A day or so after Michael's death, I was transferred from GE to another part of the epicenter where I was calling youth leaders to get them to go to some sort of leadership event for pastors. I couldn't even handle being inside the epicenter, because that's where most of my memories of interacting with Michael were. I told that supervisor, and was allowed not to work there, and I don't remember where I worked for the next day before I went up for the funeral. Grief counselors were definitely needed, but I think part of the problem was that it was the end of the year. I am not defending TM in any way because I still have mixed feelings about my experience there. I'm just saying there were some allowances made for those who knew him and were grieving, but nothing even close to grief counseling.

One of the other women in my room had been going to see him in the hospital. I couldn't handle that. I knew that they were going to remove the ventilator and some other sort of aid and see if he still had brain waves or if he could breathe for himself. If he couldn't, they were going to "pull the plug." This was to happen at 5 AM. I woke up at 4 AM and reminded myself to pray for him. I took comfort in that, thinking "I prayed that last minute prayer so I know I did everything I could." But now I realize that was a very shallow theological point of view. Comfort is good, but it would not have been my fault if I had not woken up at 4 AM and said a prayer.

I still think of Michael often, and my son's middle name is Michael in his memory. I don't remember you, I'm ashamed to say (unless Elizabeth is not your real name?) but I remember Pathfinders and the way we all grieved differently. Thanks for sharing your story.

It's a good thing to be very, very sad when yo...

2012-01-11T15:56:23.776-06:00

It's a good thing to be very, very sad when you lose someone- it means you loved them. Still feeling sad about it once in a while years later is normal too.

You are very important, your pain was and is very real, and someone should have reached out to help you through this whole situation. I'm sorry you were so alone.

That would have been so difficult to go through! ...

2012-01-11T12:07:13.093-06:00

That would have been so difficult to go through! This story seems quite different to the rest of the stories posted on this site. Honestly it seems Teen Mania did a lot of good things in response to this situation. Especially since a lot of the name calling happens to the staff, it was good to hear that your supervisor was compassionate and understading. Also that Teen Mania sent a bus up to Nebraska for those who wanted to go and I am assuming that was free of charge for the interns. Of course there is always more that a ministry can do for someone. I went to the Honor Academy just a few months after my mother died Jose helped me quite a bit but that is just me. It maybe would have been a good idea to bring some extra certified counselors in at that time but it seems like they really made an effort.

As for feeling bad about your faith and praying I am someone who believes God wants to heal 100% of the time. However there are things that happen that we do not understand or ever will and we just have to focus on believing and doing what God tells us to do in the Bible. We never know the exact situation or what is going on in someones heart. It's easy to feel like we could have done something more but in the end it will just eat you up. It is much harder to try and take a situation and let something good come from it.

So I pray for peace in your heart and a true understanding of who God is and how wonderful He thinks you are. Because He really does no matter what any "person" might say to the contrary.

It is not your fault that Michael died--in any way...

2012-01-11T08:08:39.506-06:00

It is not your fault that Michael died--in any way. Even if you feel you could've prayed more, believed more, it wouldn't have changed anything. There were so many people praying for Michael, including many alums and others outside TM. For whatever unknowable reason, God chose not to intervene. And that is a hard and sad and frustrating truth, but please never carry that burden again! I had a friend at Teen Mania, Dan. He did ministry team, he had been a team leader on trips, and after graduation be was co-leading a college ministry. And then he was killed in a car accident. It was one of the most difficult faith experiences I've had. Dan could do so much more for God's kingdom than someone like me! Why would God take him from us so soon? I still don't have an answer. It's unknowable. All we can know is that God is trustworthy and His decisions are sound, even when we don't know why and can't see what He sees. It's okay to be angry, upset, and confused. It's okay to grieve for what we've lost and what we miss.

You minimized yourself so much in your story, but you are important. Your story is important. You matter. Thank you for sharing you experiences and being so vulnerable with us.