Comments on My Teen Mania Experience: Shannon's Story, part 6

Shannon.... Thank you so so much for your willingn...

2012-01-30T22:44:16.093-06:00

Shannon....
Thank you so so much for your willingness to share this. I would offer that the fact that you have so bravely shared this story is in itself proof that who you are is NOT weak, or afraid. You're braver than very, very, very many others.
Think about that for a while, k? You're a beautiful soul.

"I got myself into a position at my apartment...

2011-12-15T10:02:31.426-06:00

"I got myself into a position at my apartment where I let my boyfriend “take advantage of me.” I had started out saying no, but it was a foreign statement."

I just want to say - I know it sounds cliche - but no means no, whether or not it's a "foreign statement" to you. You did not "let" him take advantage of you - he plainly and simply sexually assaulted you. Do NOT claim that guilt as your own. Please recognize that you did not ask for that to happen in any way, and what he did was wrong.

I'm sorry I haven't commented much on the ...

2011-12-08T12:35:39.614-06:00

I'm sorry I haven't commented much on the site for the past several days. I appreciate all of the support you guys give. Though I don't feel strong or brave, I feel it is important to discuss these things so that others feel able to deal with their TM experience too, perhaps because they see my story on here.

Having now sent this to the wrong Shannon, I'l...

2011-12-05T01:00:56.978-06:00

Having now sent this to the wrong Shannon, I'll just post it as a comment before I send it to any more wrong Shannon's. Shoulda stuck with that in the first place...

Reading through all the Part's made me want to cry but Part 6 was most especially heartbreaking. I tell people all the time that we as Christians should be the very LAST to judge or condemn anyone for having an abortion, that we should be the first to offer grace, compassion, understanding, and unconditional uncompromising love, acceptance, and support. God loves you just the same, why should we imperfect humans do any less?

You are such a beautiful person, inside and out, and you have come through SO much. You are so very very strong and I admire your bravery.

Oh Shannon, I just want to give you a hug. And bea...

2011-12-02T09:38:06.519-06:00

Oh Shannon, I just want to give you a hug. And beat the shit out of your ex-husband.

I am so sorry about what has happened to you. I a...

2011-12-01T23:31:21.131-06:00

I am so sorry about what has happened to you. I agree with littlegraygirl in that the idea of emphasizing "super Christians" to the point where struggling, hurt people are compelled to hide their problems is reveals the heart of the matter...legalism. It is true that Christians are called to a life of holiness but Jesus also calls us to continually repent and come to Him trusting in Him and that fact that He saved us. We can trust that no matter how far we have fallen He is still ready to receive us on account of what He has done for us. We can turn to Him trusting that as we consecrate our lives to Him He will give us the ability to grow in holiness. All Christians struggle with sin, even so called "Super Christians". And God is glorified in whatever we do to serve Him and others even the most mundane jobs. We work as if to the Lord himself no matter what it is. I felt like a failure too...although it was not due to Teen Mania although my former denomination (SBC) seemed to try to get kids to sign up for it, because I felt like I could not accomplish what God called me to do. I was striving to become a missionary but could not seem to get the needed skills, like leadership and teaching skills and people downright discouraged me at times. I even made an idol out of being a missionary, what a sin! Years passed by and ten years later I am not a missionary...I barely even have a job. But with our gracious God all hope of ever being used of Him is not lost. I repented of my idolatry, although I still struggle, but God is still providentially leading me forward in what He called me to. I am seeking to be a member of a PCA church, which I thought would never happen, and the pastor has the same type of interest in missions as me and my husband. We recently moved and it was the last place we wanted to move to. Who knew? I say all that because He loves you and promises to sanctify you and use you for His glory however that may be.

Shannon, I am so glad you wrote this and so glad...

2011-12-01T21:54:58.334-06:00

Shannon,

I am so glad you wrote this and so glad to have the privilege of reading it. It is strange to think back to when we lived together because I knew you but didn't know much of any of what you have written here. I want you to know that I will ALWAYS look back on the time we got to know each other as some of my favorite years because of getting to spend time with you. I ALWAYS look with fondness on our times of watching crouching tiger together and coming in late at night and just being, together. I realize now that much of that time you were hurting in ways I didn't know, but you added to my life so much. I always tell people about you and the bond I felt that we shared. I say that you were the one of the best parts of my GC experience.

While I have had a life of different particular heartbreaks and have been going through liberation from other types of strongholds (my relationship with my parents, reconciling my past with my present), I have found much freedom in starting to learn how to let myself be my true self. I mention these things not to advise you, but as an offering of things that have helped my perspective develop and have let me start enjoy living in a new way.

Thank you again for sharing yourself.

Wow. Shannon, your story broke my heart. Thank you...

2011-12-01T21:09:53.654-06:00

Wow. Shannon, your story broke my heart. Thank you for being so brave in sharing it with us.

You said: " I want very much to be honest because I believe that one of the real problems with TM is their promotion of “Super Christians” to the point where struggling, hurting people feel compelled to hide their problems."

I think this cuts right to the heart of the matter. THAT is what Dave Hasz just doesn't get about why the very foundation of the HA is broken.

While I can't even comprehend some of the things you've had to deal with since the Honor Academy, there is much I can relate to about your story--TM has effected me in many of the same ways. I have struggled so much with feelings of worthlessness and shame, of not being good enough. I have at times let myself become so isolated because I couldn't recognize myself anymore...how could I let anyone else really see me?

You also said: "A small flame in my heart still thinks I can “beat this” and finally live a life of passion for a loving Creator. I hope to one day reach the point where I can help other people who feel the way I do. I hope to be able to participate in a creative and loving ministry that meets people where they are and shows them the Jesus Who changes hearts—not all the works that make us better and good enough."

I believe with all my heart that this WILL happen. You have demonstrated enormous courage here with your choice to be honest and vulnerable. This shows me that you are a very strong person, and will be able to overcome anything.

Peace and love,
LGG

What a tremendous life you have led. You have muc...

2011-12-01T17:26:03.114-06:00

What a tremendous life you have led. You have much more strength than you give yourself credit for. I hope you are able to own how magnificently powerful and wonderful you are.

Shannon-Ashley, you are brave and what you wrote c...

2011-12-01T13:19:56.158-06:00

Shannon-Ashley, you are brave and what you wrote came out eloquently :)

"But I’m still not living — I am well aware of that."

This is where I've been stuck for who knows how long. The first several years I fought it hard. Now I've lost all motivation to fight, and that's scared me for a couple of years, but I don't know what to do with it or about. "I'm still not living." So true for me.

Hmm.... So when I wrote this giant dialogue of wha...

2011-12-01T12:37:02.898-06:00

Hmm.... So when I wrote this giant dialogue of what's happened in my life, I was venting to RA. I didn't edit it or proofread at all...I guess because it was me spilling my guts to RA and telling her things I haven't told anyone. When she asked if I wanted to share it, I figured, yes because I don't want it to be said that I have anything to hide or have somehow been disingenuous when discussing the "recovering alumni" point of view.

That said, it's really scary. It's like, there--I've said it. Some people read it and know exactly who I am. Some people have no idea (about certain things) and I don't really want them to ever see it either. It's weird to admit, I'm 29 and a total wreck. And it's scary to say I think TM has a LOT to do with that. Admitting that feels like opening myself up to even more ridicule and judgment, like I am blaming the HA for all of my problems. I know in my heart however, that I'm just trying to admit and work through things that happened and affected me.

I'm wary to read comments whenever part of my story is posted. I always wonder if I will regret sharing. But it means a lot to have a safe or safer place to talk about these things. And even if I don't know how to respond to the helpful, supportive comments you all give, I really appreciate them.

Thank you!

I have a constant critic in my head telling me I a...

2011-12-01T09:52:49.086-06:00

I have a constant critic in my head telling me I am a failure, reinforcing the hurts I had when I was at TM. I blame myself for getting off the plan God had for me and for not “having what it takes.”...I can’t help but think how the people who know me now would not recognize the girl I used to be, who travelled to Trinidad and Amsterdam and gave a year of her life to God to HONE HER LEADERSHIP SKILLS. It’s just so sad to know that I was a part of this huge movement of young people, that it meant so much to me, yet I have so little good to show for it.

THIS is what wrong with TM, heart and soul.

Shannon, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Know that you are loved and not alone.

I agree with everything julie said. Be encouraged ...

2011-12-01T08:52:25.882-06:00

I agree with everything julie said. Be encouraged Shannon because you are very loved. I've seen how you encourage others on here and that shows your loving heart and kind spirit. Don't give up. I have an office job too and sometimes I think that I must be a loser, wasting her life, not doing anything special or worthwhile. But the people in my life would not agree. They need me, they love me, they count on me for day to day stuff. Don't sell that short. Don't sell yourself short. You are special.

Shannon, you have had SO much trauma in your life,...

2011-12-01T08:38:49.942-06:00

Shannon, you have had SO much trauma in your life, my heart breaks for you! You may have mentioned this elsewhere, but are you going to counseling? There is so much here to be dealt with that processing with a professional could really help. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm also glad for you that you've gotten these things out in the open. Satan uses secrets to burden us with guilt and shame. Truth sets us free and builds us up, but secrets chain us down. I know it took a lot of courage for you to share all of these things, because there is always a fear that no one will ever like you again if you tell the "shameful" things you have done. That is an absolute lie. You are a very strong, very brave woman. You may not feel that way today, but it is true. This community loves and supports you, and nothing you can say will change that!

Shannon, your story brought tears to my eyes. I wi...

2011-12-01T07:51:04.830-06:00

Shannon, your story brought tears to my eyes. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. I'm so sorry you went through what you did, at Teen Mania and beyond. I'm sorry something that you thought would change your life in a good way has affected you so negatively. Please know that this community loves you as you are--no matter what.